How do I find a Counselor or Therapist?

Oftentimes I speak with people who have never had counseling before and aren't sure what to say or ask; this is completely normal. If I needed electrical services or plumbing services, I'd have no clue who to call or what to ask. It's OK not to know and to admit you don't know what to ask when you are first looking for a counselor. There are some great resources out there to help you find a counselor who will be able to help you with what you are going through. This article is a great start; it explains all the terms like counselor, therapist, psychologist, social worker and psychiatrist. The article gives good explanations of these terms and what services these professionals offer. If you are setting out to find a counselor or therapist but aren't sure what you need to know or ask, check out these frequently asked questions. There are other websites that are geared towards helping you find a therapist; they are here, here, here, here and here. Remember you are looking for someone to provide you a service so it's OK if you have many questions or want to call around to several therapist and even set up several initial consultation sessions so you can decide who is the best fit for you. It can seem like a daunting task, but just take it one step at a time. Spend a little time researching the type of professional you are looking for and searching for those professionals in your area. Formulate a small list of counselors you are interested in from looking at their bio or websites. Call the therapists and speak with them, ask them your questions about availability, fees, insurance, etc. Feel free to ask about their background, specialities, counseling philosophy, etc. Then take some time and decide who you'd want to set up an initial consultation(s). Then once you have the initial session, you'll have a good idea if the therapist is a good fit for you and whether or not you'd like to move forward with them.

Choosing Christ over Feelings

I work with a lot of clients in my counseling practice who are in very difficult situations. Some are grieving, some are broken and hurting, some are suffering. Some have lost loved ones, some are in difficult marriages, some are facing bullying or difficult relationships. Some struggle with self harm, anxiety, depression or anger. Weaved through all the Christian clients I see, as different as their circumstances may be, is a common theme we discuss and work towards: choosing Christ over our irrational feelings. Their feelings may be telling them to hurt their bodies, to leave their spouses, to engage in an extra-marital affair, to escalate to panic, to dwell in depression or to lash out in anger. I talk with my clients about whether they will allow those feelings to make their decisions and to influence their actions or whether they will engage their will, their spirit and the Lord in their actions, behaviors, thoughts and decisions. This is a difficult task for all of us but so important if we are going to live righteous, healthy lives. Our feelings are important; they are part of how we were created. Christ had feelings; He expressed grief, anguish, sadness, joy and happiness. Feelings are not bad! Feelings shouldn't be judged; they are what they are and that is OK. However, when we act solely based on our feelings without incorporating our will, intellect, spirit and rational thought is when we can get into trouble. We must consider Christ and dialogue with our feelings. It begins with acknowledging the feelings and then understanding their role. Accepting the feelings is an important piece; trying to push them away or deny them won't help! Why are the feelings there and what are they needing? Next you engage your will, your rational thinking and determine what those parts of you think (key word - think) about those feelings. Then the feelings and thoughts dialogue together to determine what is the healthiest next step. All the while, I encourage believers to be engaging Scripture and prayer in this entire process. We must slow down. Act, instead of react. Choose to engage Christ, rational thought and your will rather than simply letting emotions take charge and lead the way. Emotions are important and should be payed attention to. There should be other things we pay attention to also, not just our feelings. If this process seems difficult for you, seeking out Christian Counseling can be a great way to gain insight and coping skills that will help you to choose Christ, righteousness and health in your daily life! 

Anxiety- What's running wild in your mind?

What thoughts do you let run wild in your mind? A tiny bit of fear, nervousness or worry can turn into full blown anxiety or panic if we do not monitor our thoughts. Some fear is normal. Even some nervousness is normal. But when anxiety is consuming our thoughts, feelings and days, it's not normal. Anxiety sends us whirling into the future wondering about all kinds of "what if's". It takes us from the here and now and we begin to spiral towards panic. To break this spiral we have to tell ourselves to "stop". Stop dwelling on the fear, stop focusing on the "what if's". Choose to focus your mind on the here and now. You have control over what you think. We can't control the automatic thoughts that pop into our minds but each thought after that we can choose! Deep breathing can help you to refocus and regain control over your thoughts. Distracting yourself is another way to help get your thoughts out of the negative spiral and focused on the here and now. Inserting positive, rational, present-focused thoughts then helps to decrease the fear and anxiety. Anxiety can reap havoc on your life and relationships. You do not have to let anxiety control you. Choose to refocus your thoughts and stay mindful of the present moments. Individual counseling can help you identify further ways to decrease anxiety and take control of your thinking. Counseling can also help you understand the fears that trigger your anxiety and help you to learn how to manage them. You can learn to change your thinking which will change your feelings!

It's First Friday Raleigh!

First Friday is something I love about Raleigh. It gets us out and about, shows us great local art and lets us enjoy some amazing local venues in a unique way! Grab a friend and make it a girl's night out. Grab your significant other and tell them it's "Date Night"! Grab the family and tell them it's time for a new family experience together. Head out to First Friday. This can be a cheap idea too if you are on a budget. Spend some time intentionally pouring into your friendships, relationships, family with a new experience!

Care for You too, Ladies!

I work with many women in my counseling practice: single, married, divorced, kids, no kids, women who work inside the home and women work outside the home. A running theme with the women I counsel is a lack of self care. They are stressed out, burnt out, anxious, depressed or just flat out tired and they haven't been caring for themselves well. Self care is taking steps to be good to yourself, care for yourself, soothe yourself, nurture yourself, grow yourself, reflect on yourself. It's a time when you are only taking care of you. Self care isn't being at dinner with a friend and helping them through their problem; that's caring for them. Self care might look like a leisurely walk, reading a book, sitting and resting with a cup of tea, taking a class on something that interests you, getting a massage or pedicure, exercise, getting counseling for yourself individually. There's no right or wrong self care as long as it's caring for you and not others. Women tend to pour out more naturally than they tend to pour into themselves. Pouring out might look like work, career, child-rearing, taking care of the house, errands, time spent helping friends, etc. Anything we do to give of ourselves, our time, is us pouring out. Pouring out is not a bad thing at all; it's a healthy part of a balanced life. Most women love it, even thrive on it. It becomes destructive when we are not pouring back into ourselves or allowing others to pour back into us. When was the last time that an hour of your day was all about you, no one else? I know, I know..."I don't have that kind of free time." Truth is you must create it, carve it out of your day or else it won't happen. The day will slip away and you will have cared for everyone else except yourself. Some women find this kind of self care time to be selfish. It feels wrong to spend a few minutes a day on themselves. If this is you, it could be time to slip into counseling and explore this negative self talk or beliefs that prevent you from pouring into yourself so that in turn you have more to pour out into others! Take some time today, even 15 minutes and do something that pours into you, that requires nothing of you but instead gives back to you!