Blog

Winning & Losing in Marriage

Whitney Johnson — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:02:52 +0000

Here is a great blog post by another therapist about marriage. It is a great take on winning and losing in marriage and what great marriages can be if we choose to lose most in the marriage (serve each other). Our American culture says to go after things we want, they should "serve" us. If our technology fails us, we throw it out and get a new model. We typically do the same with our cars. But Biblically speaking we are called to be servants to each other, to stick with each other in marriage even when our spouse isn't "doing" what we want and need. Mark 10 says, "⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Jesus is calling us to serve one another using His example. If we are demanding that our spouse serve us and meet all our expectations, marriage isn't going to work well! But if we aim to live in our marriage by serving, loving, encouraging, and supporting our spouse, we will be following in Christ's example. I encourage you to take a look at this post!

Thoughts & Feelings

Whitney Johnson — Thu, 17 May 2012 19:35:41 +0000

In working with clients who experience anxiety and depression, I spend a lot of the counseling time discussing the thought and feeling connection. There's a myth out there that we can't control our feelings...that's wrong! We can, to a great degree, control our feelings. It starts with being aware of our thoughts and then taking steps to retrain and redirect our thoughts. We can easily get ourselves into bad thought habits such as negative thinking, catastrophizing, ignoring the positive, etc. Once we allow ourselves to think that way for quite some time, our brain begins to automatically go there. It takes time and deliberate effort to retrain our minds. But it is very possible! I watch clients achieve this successfully quite often through counseling. It takes them a little bit of time to learn the skill but when they do, they find they experience less stress, anxiety and depression. They start by increasing their awareness of all their thoughts. This can be done by keeping a thought log: each day at least 3 times per day, sit down and write what you are thinking (no filter, just write or type) for about 15 minutes. Do this every day for about a week and you'll start to notice some patterns of thinking as you look back over your thought log. The next step is to begin challenging those unhealthy or irrational thoughts with healthy. rational alternatives. To do this take time every day to write down some of your unhealthy, negative or irrational thoughts. Then take some deep breaths or a short break if you need to. When you come back to the page, draw a line and then write some positive, rational alternatives. Practice saying those more healthy thoughts to yourself multiple times per day. Eventually your brain will learn to bring up the positive, rational thoughts more often than the negative, irrational ones! If you find this difficult, seeing a therapist can be helpful to guide you through this process. Changing your thoughts will impact your feelings. Thoughts impact feelings so learning to change your thoughts will help to change your feelings!

Sleep is Important!

Whitney Johnson — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:08:57 +0000

Getting a good night's rest on a regular basis is so important to good mental health. Our bodies need that time to rejuvenate, heal and recover. Having a regular bed time and wake time is important to managing anxiety, stress and depression effectively. We are putting ourselves at a disadvantage when we get varying amounts of sleep each night. Getting on average 8 hours of sleep per night is important to a stable mood. In talking with clients I'm seeing for counseling, I encourage them to have a bed time around the same time every night (within an hour) and a regular wake time each morning too (again, within an hour). Some people require more or less amounts of sleep than others. I know clients who function well on 7 hours of sleep per night; I also have clients though that need 9 hours of sleep to be at their best each day. The important piece here is figuring out what your body needs and then making sure to provide that for yourself on a regular basis. If you are a night owl who functions well on 8 hours of sleep, you could set your bed time for midnight and your wake time for 8am. Don't sleep in much past 9am and don't go to sleep much past 1am. Otherwise, you are basically putting your body through jet lag! Having a daily routine like this of getting up and going to bed around the same time each day can greatly help to stabilize mood, as well as manage stress and anxiety.

Good Mental Health Needs Exercise & Nutrition

Whitney Johnson — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:09:26 +0000

Taking care of your physical body is such an important part of taking care of your mental health; I talk about this quite often with the clients I see for counseling. Our bodies, minds and souls are all connected; we are a whole human being. The different parts of ourselves all impact and influence the other parts. If I'm not taking care of myself emotionally, at some point that will manifest itself in some way in my physical body. However, if I'm taking care of my physical body, then my mind and emotions have a better potential for being healthy as well. Healthy nutrition and exercise are such important pieces of good mental health. Exercise releases chemicals in the brain that help us actually "feel" better; this is just one great benefit of regular exercise. A healthy, well-balanced diet is essential to great mental health as well. Eating junk and not getting enough vitamins and nutrients our bodies need causes things to run more sluggish inside our bodies and minds. There are great ways to be healthy, inside and out. I love going to the Farmer's Market (they are open 7 days per week) and stocking up on fresh, local fruits and vegetables for the week. I really enjoy supporting local farmers and eating what is in season and knowing I'm also giving my body some of the vitamins and nutrients it needs to function as it is designed! For those of us that work, live and play in Downtown Raleigh, there is a great farmer's market there too in City Plaza on Fayetteville Street on Wednesdays from April-October. Exercise can be fun as well and really helps boost mood and take care of our bodies. Grab a buddy (or just some headphones) and head to Lake Johnson; it's a gorgeous place to walk or run! Try incorporating some healthy eating and exercise into your weekly routine. It can be hard to implement new changes but they are so well worth the effort!

Healthy Giving & Receiving in Relationships

Whitney Johnson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:06:54 +0000

I meet with many clients for individual counseling, family or couples counseling who have difficulty in their relationships. One thing that often comes up is the role of give and take (I prefer to call it giving and receiving) in relationships. Some clients struggle with giving; selfishness comes easy to us humans and we often want it all and now! In those relationships, clients learn to give more, be more available, create space for the other in their relationship to enter, actively listen to the other and sacrifice their wants at times for the desires of the other in the relationship. However many clients I see give too much; they receive very little from the other in their relationship. They are always sacrificing, giving, listening, yielding to the desires of the other. In those cases, we work on clients becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable, assertive, asking for their desires and sharing about themselves. As with most things, a healthy balance is best. We do need to be giving and sacrificing in our relationships; as Christians we are called to that kind of love and sacrifice. However, a healthy relationship also allows us to receive love from others, receive their sacrifices of love for us in order to have a balanced relationship; to love and be loved, to know and be known, that is a healthy relational goal. This is a delicate dance but one that is rewarding to figure out in your relationships. Dialogue with your friends, family or significant other about the ways you see yourselves giving and receiving in the relationships. We can learn so much from those kind of intentional discussions. Do you like the amount of giving and receiving you are experiencing? Do they? Are their things you think your relationship could benefit from changing? Does one person need to practice giving more and the other receiving more? Changing roles and patterns in relationships is difficult and takes time. Be patient with yourselves and with each other as you attempt small changes! The end result is so worth it!

Marriage Enrichment Seminar - Raleigh

Whitney Johnson — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 16:44:20 +0000

There is a great upcoming marriage workshop here in Raleigh. I highly recommend these 2 presenters! One of them, Dr. Rosenau, was my professor at Richmont Graduate University for my sex therapy classes! He is a great speaker and very passionate about Biblical sexual intimacy in marriages! The other presenter, Dr. Neel, is a wonderful lady and a sex therapist here in Raleigh! Below is some info on the seminar and contact info in case you and your spouse are interested in signing up!

Covenant Lover’s

One-day Seminar May 12, 2012

Providence Baptist Church

8am-4:30pm

$40/couple- advance registration

Do you want to create a stronger, more passionate love relationship in your marriage, with a vibrant and mutually enjoyable sex life – to become “lovers” in the true sense of the word? Join us for a one-day seminar that will help you develop practical and biblical foundational principles for experiencing intimate connecting and satisfying lovemaking within God’s amazing covenant relationship of marriage. With two nationally recognized experts in the area of Christian sex education and therapy, learn helpful ways to grow your marital love life as you gain insights into the Creator’s grand plan for vibrant sexual intimacy – all in a safe and respectful environment. This seminar promises to be fun, insightful, practical and biblical, with its basis the book: A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Doug Rosenau.

You can contact Becky at becky@pray.org or call 919-326-3000 for questions.

Sharing New Experiences

Whitney Johnson — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:46:56 +0000

Looking for something fun and different to do? Bogged down with the same old routine for your fun nights out or date nights? I always encourage clients I see for counseling to try new fun things, to spice up their nights out with family, friends or their significant other by trying a new experience. Sharing a new experience together helps increase connection and gives you something new to converse about together. When we share a fun new experience together, we feel closer and more connected to that person. It creates new memories also. So get out there and try it! Carolina Rollergirls have a double header this Saturday April 14 at Dorton Arena in Raleigh. If you haven't been to see the Rollergirls yet, it's quite the experience and a guaranteed good time! Take your significant other, a group of friends or your family to this exciting event and enjoy sharing a new experience together watching the Rollergirls!

Great Teen Workbooks

Whitney Johnson — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 18:26:22 +0000

I see a lot of teens and their families for individual and family counseling. The teenagers I see struggle with various issues; some face anxiety, depression, stress, family issues, self injury, self esteem issues, bullying, etc. Many of them are in some serious pain and are looking for an outlet for that pain but do not have healthy coping skills. Some of them have difficult family situations or struggle with being bullied at school. I have found some great resources that I use with many of my teen clients; several of them have had great success using these resources! These workbooks contain short exercises that are geared towards helping teens cope in healthy ways. Stopping the Pain is a workbook for teenagers who cut or self injure. Beyond the Blues is a workbook for teens who experience depression. The Anxiety Workbook for Teens helps teenagers cope with anxiety and worry. Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens teaches teens Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills that can help them manage mood swings, control emotional outbursts and get along with others better. The Stress Reduction Workbook for Teens teaches teenagers mindfulness skills that helps them decrease stress. The Bipolar Workbook for Teens helps teens learn Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills for mood swings they may experience. Think Confident, Be Confident for Teens teaches teenagers Cognitive Therapy skills to increase their self image and improve their self esteem. These workbooks may not be helpful for every teenager but I find many teens respond well to the short lessons they contain!

A Great Resource

Whitney Johnson — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:53:10 +0000

A colleague and dear friend of mine, Meredith Stokke, is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in working with clients who experience disordered eating, eating disorders and body image issues. She has a great blog here where she provides lots of useful information, links, articles and encouragement and her website can be found here! If you or someone you know struggles with disordered eating or body image issues, I highly recommend her as a counselor and her blog as a great resource!

Deep Breathing to Manage Anxiety & Panic

Whitney Johnson — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 17:00:50 +0000

Anxiety and panic escalate when we are not in control of our breathing. Short chest breaths can speed up heart rate making many of the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic also increase. You can reverse this escalation through deep breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing is an important technique discussed when I'm counseling clients who are experiencing anxiety and panic. Typically this breathing technique does not come easily for those who experience frequent anxiety and panic. But this breathing technique can be learned! It just takes some practice and getting used to. Here and here are two links that describe diaphragmatic breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing also helps decrease feelings of stress too! Practice this breathing technique many times when you are not feeling anxiety or panic. I encourage clients to practice it at least once a day when there are little to no symptoms of anxiety or panic present. That will help you be able to use the skill when you areexperiencing the feelings of anxiety or panic. I encourage clients to write the steps down on an index card or on a note in their phone and keep the note with them. That way if feelings of anxiety or panic begin, they can pull out their note and begin the deep breathing to calm down the physical effects of anxiety. This helps you get to a place where you can then begin to challenge your anxious thoughts and manage the anxiety and panic better. If you'd like to know more about that part of managing anxiety and panic you can read a few of my blogs here and here; you can also read this article that has a neat parable linked within it too. Counseling is a great way to learn how to manage anxiety and panic; you don't have to suffer with anxiety and panic!